Review: One Final Gasp

One Final Gasp by Jacqueline Druga
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

One Final Gasp by Jacqueline Druga is a book I really WANTED to like. After all, Druga is a fellow Pittsburger with a penchant for post-apocalyptic fiction—a combination right up my proverbial alley, and one that I had hoped would result in solid gold. Unfortunately, this book laid waste to that optimistic bent, leaving in it’s a wake a tarnished and pitted brass finish that failed to conceal the cheap materials beneath. It is this lack of substance and editing (editorial?) polish that relegates the novel to two star status. I could write a dissertation regarding the holes in the plot, but I’ve decided to instead regale you with a boatload of quotes, thereby allowing you to form your own opinion. So, let’s get started, shall we?

”Matt had the gourmet, daily special sandwiches and coffee, they were on the outside table ready and waiting for when Hailey arrived.”

Punctuation is your friend. On the off chance Druga peruses this review, I offer this link, which will explain comma splices and run-on sentences. http://guidetogrammar.org/grammar/run...

”It was chilly out, but he kept his jacket zipped. The cooler air helped him stay awake.”

::sigh:: In all fairness, this one *might* be a result of my own inability to puzzle it out, but indulge me for a moment. So, it’s chilly. Shouldn’t that mean he KEPT his jacket zipped? Why the “but”? Or....should it read “he kept his jacket UNZIPPED”. That would make the next sentence more logical, no? He kept his jacket UNzipped so that the cool air could help him to stay awake? Clearly I’m overthinking this one, as there are so many more exciting editing errors to discuss. Moving right along...

”Elias had an entire statement prepared that he read it for the committee.”

*humming* One of these things is not like the others! One of these things doesn’t belong! If you guessed the word “it”, you’re absolutely right! *end of my off key attempt to channel Sesame Street.* Let’s just edit this one together and motor on, ok? “Elias had an entire statement prepared that he read for the committee.”

”Now, we can beat the plague now, but if a new Disease X emerges, seventy-five percent...”

Easy one. I mean this is just a throw away example. I’ll let you figure it out. Hint: redundant.

”The sat in a booth, Glen across from Eve.”

Ok, I’ll bite. THE WHAT?? Perhaps “they”?

“I asked Damien how he think it went.”

How he THINK it went? That isn’t even good slang. *shaking my head*

”It was her father, Luke expected for his face to face with him to be far worse than Matt’s.”

Sorry, but this one is just too convoluted to even attempt to fix.

“Like tried to stay calm, but he cried the entire way home.”

Like, that’s totally badass that the main character, Luke, has been transformed into a verb posing as a noun. For shame.

”You would have to of been in close proximity to someone that early to pass it on.”

So this is a pet peeve. HAD TO HAVE BEEN. *sitting down to calm my frazzled grammar-sensitive nerves.*

“I understand and the agency can you help you.”

Oh you good you! I was concerned! *God help me to not scream and frighten my neighbors*.

”Once and awhile I’ll cough, but it's really painful.”

It can’t possibly be as painful as reading this nonsense. *sobbing*. Once IN a while.

”It was twenty-four hours later and the first time since being on the plane he had been able to sleep, it wasn’t by choice.”

Sleeping wasn’t by choice? Was he drugged? (No). Was he hit over the head? (No). Additionally, please again refer to the link for run-one posted above.

”He’d work a little bit more, then head back out to search the streets for that homeless mad.”

If this were used in a novel full of colorful language, from an author known to take liberties with language in order to drive home a point, I would have applauded “searching for a homeless mad”. Unfortunately, it’s yet another typo and should have read “homeless man”.

”His final last moments in Boston were with the senator on a speaker phone call with the president in a conference room at NIEDL.”

Final last? Final LAST? Wtf? Additionally, ambiguity here just doesn’t work. Fix it, damn it! *sorry, my patience is wearing thin.*

”Conner said. “According to Marvin’s research there...”

OMG! The man’s name is MARCUM—THERE IS NO MARVIN. Seriously, how was this missed?

”However, it had been hours, Elias didn’t want to see if they were still there.”

I. JUST. CAN’T.

”The church bells rang for the eleven a.m. service, but no one really showed.”

STOP! Hang on! No one “really” showed? Did they or didn’t they?? TELL ME DAMMIT!

”Matt undid the draw sting on his shorts...”

*eye twitch* This shit would be funny if it weren’t so sad.

”Walking out the door into the hall was like part of a dream. She even felt a little dizzy as if she were suffering from algophobia.”

She was suffering from a pain phobia? That just doesn’t even make any sense! She had been holed up in a room for weeks—perhaps agoraphobia? The dictionary is a lovely resource, and the mind is a terrible thing to waste. I have no idea why that came to mind, but it seems pitifully appropriate.

“Okay. Stew sung out the word. “Can we all agree on this? It doesn’t matter how many people remain.”

Please. Make. It. Stop. They are now murdering punctuation. THAT SHOULD BE A FELONY!

“I know. We supposed to bring about two dozen people there in the next week or so.”

We supposed to. We SUPPOSED to? We ARE supposed to? Jesus be a proofreader. My heart hurts.


There you have it. If you’ve made it this far, you’ve read but a tiny sampling of the myriad errors in grammar, spelling, punctuation and common sense. I need a nap and the ability to recoup the hours I spent between these pages.




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