Review: Family Money

Family Money by Chad Zunker
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Family Money, authored by Chad Zunker, is a prime example of a great idea executed in quite mediocre fashion.

The story is that of Alex Mahan and his father-in-law Joe Dobson, a retired attorney. The two share a unique relationship, forged as Joe stepped into the role of father-figure when Alex’s father died. Alex was just sixteen and had been dating Joe’s daughter, Taylor, and while Alex had always respected Joe, it was the strength he gave to Alex at what was possibly the worst time of the boy’s young life that solidified their bond. Eventually, Alex and Taylor married, and Joe and his wife Carol became the consummate in-laws, then grandparents. When Alex struggled to get his own company off the ground, Joe stepped in and loaned Alex five million dollars in start-up capital. Alex’s success thereafter was something he insisted would never have happened without Joe’s support. When the entire family (Alex, Taylor, their two young daughters, Joe and Carol) travels across the border from Texas to Mexico on a humanitarian mission to assist an orphanage in need of funding and repairs, Joe is kidnapped, in broad daylight on a busy street. Alex then embarks on a journey to discover the truth behind Joe’s disappearance and discovers he may not have known his father-in-law at all. As the story unfolds, Joe’s past unravels and decades-old secrets are exposed.

The plot is clever and takes the reader on a journey through Joe’s life through Alex’s eyes. There were well-delineated flashbacks that made the time travel from present to past seamless. Some of the events, however, stretched my willingness to suspend disbelief and disengaged me from the story. Characters were primarily portrayed as noble and honest—willing to risk not only their careers for one another, but also their lives. In light of the secrets that were revealed, however, there were numerous contradictions in the way those characters responded and behaved. Not only were the characters’ actions completely implausible, so were entire scenes. It’s difficult to provide examples without spoilers, but suffice it to say that I found myself simply shaking my head on more than one occasion and mumbling “he would NEVER do that”, and “you’ve got to be kidding”.

Additionally, the language here is very bland. There are few visuals to bring interest to the story—settings are vague, character descriptions generic and the dialogue is very “run of the mill”, the latter of which was most disturbing. I just didn’t find any character development achieved through dialects, speech patterns, word choice, etc. With the exception of some Spanish phrases, each person seemed to be reading a script that refused to differentiate them. Instead of individuals with unique personalities, Zunker created a collective that moved together through the story. It seemed a very Gestalt way to approach the plot, as the whole became greater than the sum of its parts. The characters were never individuals, they were simply part of the extended Mahan-Dobson family unit, outside of which people were expendable and extraneous.

In the end, the book had its merits, primarily in the storyline. Without strong, well-written characters and lively dialogue to bring it to fruition, however, my final reaction was simply “meh”.

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Review: Panic Slowly: A Tomato Soup-Soaked Pandemic Thriller

Panic Slowly: A Tomato Soup-Soaked Pandemic Thriller by Steven Bayley
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

First, I have to confess to never having read any of Steven Bayley’s previous work. If this novel is any indication of the quality, however, it’s probably a good thing, as I’m sure my review will certainly not be very well received in the land of All-Things-Bayley.

Let’s start with the positives. This will be a short paragraph. Look, Bayley can write, and he does so with a poison pen that is sharp and takes no prisoners. It is the satirical wit that flows from that pen that keeps the pages turning. His style is informal and millennial, and the voice created is one that is easy to “hear”. Second, the plot is brilliant. Bayley uses the current Covid outbreak as a foundation upon which he builds a bigger, more horrific virus that leaves in its wake a trail of chaos. 80% of those infected live through the illness with a side effect of incredibly violent predilections, though 2% of the infected recover with no noticeable side effects. As the 2%ers struggle to survive, the “eighties” wreak havoc, and the few uninflected quarantine in small, exclusives groups and self-proclaimed militias. As is often the case, absolute power corrupts absolutely, and the road to perdition for humanity is littered with those who mismanage available assets and rule with iron fists that are tightly clasped around handfuls of greed.

Now for the part that drove me to distraction. Seriously. The story is set in Atlanta, and features characters who are very “American” and even bleed red, white and blue. For some unknown reason, however, these Georgia peaches and out-of-state transplants use COLLOQUIAL BRITISH/AUSTRALIAN  ENGLISH. They toss about words like “gobsmacked” and “cunt”; they go to “hospital” instead of “the hospital”; things are “wee” rather than “little”; and “belts and braces”is apparently an attempt to sound “down home”. They say things like “I was bloody impressed” and “how many of these bloody things were there?” They even call one another “mate”. Each instance of this blatant oversight on the part of the author made me want to scream, so that by the time I reached the final page, I was ready to unleash my pent up tension on the first thing that crossed my path. I apologize to Tybalt, my bengal, who sauntered in just as I was closing the Kindle.

Look, I tried to apply some deep philosophical bent to the whole thing, projecting that these were intentional choices meant to intensify the universality of the virus and the global nature of what remained of the world. Yeah, it didn’t work for me either. I am, myself, “gobsmacked” that the author’s editor let this go to print. Did he/she really not notice?? Is there ANY American who read this and did not notice?? Two stars, and that’s just because I’m nice.

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