Review: Ultimate Error

Ultimate Error by James D. Tesar
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

So where to start. First, unique premise—a bacteria that eats oil is unleashed within the US and, through a series of misadventures, finds its way around the world triggering an extinction level event. The idea held promise. So. Much. Promise. And whilst hope springs eternal, this author killed that promise in a murderous attack on every convention of the English language. Oh, for an editor....or just a reader with one whit of schooling!

Let’s begin with a nod to two of the main characters—Lucy and her son Ricky. Now had this piece been written as a satire or parody, those two names seen together would have perhaps elicited a smile from the reader. After all, I loved Lucy! Clearly, however, this wasn’t the author’s intent, as the entire book is completely devoid of any humor...at all. ::face palm here for effect:: Seriously, no early reads of this mess caught that? ::shaking my head::

Next, a little English lesson (or two). “Your” is possessive—example: “Your book is riddled with errors”. “You’re” is a contraction of “you” and “are”—example: “You’re in need of an editor”. Moving right along, note the difference between “herd” and “heard”—it’s important. I won’t offer examples for this one because, really, it is second grade stuff. Further errors include mistakes in spelling, grammar and punctuation that can be found on every other page. To make matters worse, there’s the issue of structure. I can’t even begin to explain the way this piece was put together. It is almost as if it’s an attempt at “stream of consciousness”, bouncing from one scene to another without the benefit of any transition. Dissecting it to make any sense is a Sisyphean task and brought me back to my days of stewing over Finnegan’s Wake . Here, however, the writing doesn’t offer the benefit of author intent but instead shines a bright light on a profound lack of either care or talent. What is described in the book summary as this author’s “unique writing style” is truly the stuff of an English teacher’s nightmare.

As if all of the above is not enough to send this down in flames, and to add insult to injury, the author even manages to mangle his contemporary cultural references. For the love of God, man, Drew Carey never hosted Wheel of Fortune! It’s Pat Sajak. And Vanna. The game show that is referenced should have been identified as The Price is Right, and even then the big wheel spin is NEVER for a million dollars as stated—it’s $1000. ::another face palm::

Finally (although I could probably gripe about this one forever), when the author attempts to build suspense, then turns around and completely blows it out of the water by spilling the ending at the 75% mark, it’s time to step away from the book. Unfortunately, I’m a glutton for punishment and pushed through, red-penning each page in some misguided attempt to find value. Note—there was none. The grand finale was nothing more than a thinly veiled promo for this guy’s sequel.

Don’t do it. Don’t support an author who can’t be bothered to proofread. If you decide to ignore this warning, open the cover at your own peril.

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